Polyamory and Breakups

If you’re going through a breakup, know you’re not alone. Many of us, myself included, know that nasty sting of a relationship gone wrong. We all know how being swept up in the emotions and butterflies of an amazing relationship, but unfortunately sometimes we have to deal with the other more painful side of that coin. The complex waters of polyamorous relationships can make breakups hard to sail, but there are ways to make it easier to weather the storm, and you don’t have to do it alone. I hope to possibly offer a little advice for those facing this hardship with some things I’ve learned on my journey.

Here are some tips that have helped make breakups in my polyamorous journey a little more hopeful:

1. Communicate open and honestly with partners.

Communication is key in any relationship, and it’s especially important during a breakup. Being open and honest with your partners about your feelings and intentions definitely helps. Let them know what led to the breakup and what you need to heal from it. Support is always helpful in hard times and it can also help strengthen the bond between you.

2. Respect boundaries.

Boundaries are essential in polyamorous relationships, and they’re just as important during a breakup. Respect your partners’ boundaries and communicate your own. This may mean taking a break from seeing each other, or it may mean ending the relationship completely. Keep in mind that partners are not therapists, so don't try to replace one with them.

3. Practice self-care.

Breakups can be emotionally draining, so it’s essential to practice self-care. Taking yourself out on a date to do things that you love and enjoy lets you focus on your own mental health and allows you to heal and reconnect with what makes you truly you. This can be anything ranging from going out with friends, getting lost in a good book, or even catching up on that Netflix series you’ve been putting off. Nothing wrong with dating yourself for a bit.

4. Be mindful of other partners.

If you have other partners, keep their feelings in mind during the breakup, because a lot of times it can affect them too. They may have feelings from the breakup that can make them to need your support too. Be open with them about what’s happening and and see how the breakup may change your relationship with them, as well as asking how they feel and if they have any concerns.

5. Give yourself time to heal.

Healing after a breakup takes time, and it’s important to give yourself that time. Avoid rushing into new relationships or rebounding too quickly, even though it may be tempting. Take the time to fully understand your feelings and emotions before moving on because if you don’t it can drag those feelings and emotions into your next relationship, which only hurts you and your next relationship. Seeking professional help is wonderful for this, because a therapist can give insights and perspectives that can help you heal in a safe manner and help you be ready for when you do meet someone new.

6. Connect with the world.

I know personally that when I go through a breakup I want to isolate. There's nothing wrong with some alone time, but it's important to not shut yourself away from the world. It's important to connect with your friends and family when you're going through a tough time. You should have your own separate friend group that isn't connected to your partner that can be there and provide a safe space. Now this is no substitute for help from an actual therapist, but it definitely helps.

In conclusion, breakups in polyamorous relationships can be challenging and painful, but they don’t have to destroy you. By communicating openly and honestly, respecting boundaries, practicing self-care, being mindful of other partners, and giving yourself time to heal, you can make it through a breakup with grace and compassion with you coming out even stronger than before. Remember that breakups are a natural part of a lot relationships, you don’t have to get it right the first time. With time and effort you’ll be able to move on and find happiness again, and who knows what amazing people you might find from it.